After a long day at work, I entered the aforementioned Giant in our wonderful nation’s capital. All I needed were paper towels. I purchased said paper towels and was on my merry way home only to be caught in a pedestrian traffic jam of sorts at the entrance of the grocery store. After avoiding disaster and taking a sigh of relief, my eyes were suddenly affixed upon an middle-aged gentleman about four to five feet away from me in an electric wheelchair hellbent on taking me out. That gentleman was you, sir. Not only did you run directly into me, but I consequently fell directly onto you, and then off your wheelchair, and then onto the ground.

Now, what for lack of better words “pisses me the fck off” is the fact that you threw up your hands like you were just attacked by a pack of rabid penguins. What “pisses me the fck off” even more is the fact that all the on-lookers immediately ran to your side to see if you were “okay.” Don’t mind me. It’s all gravy. Getting hit by people in electric wheelchairs is apparently a normally occurring thing in everyday life. Moreover, I get that you are handicapped for whatever reason and need an electric wheelchair to do whatever it is you do, but in my years of living I’ve gathered that by now electric wheelchairs have the ability to stop as well as go.

One more thing. I have a broken toe on my right foot. You managed to not only run over that, but my left foot as well, which now feels like it was just hit by an inconsiderate handicapped guy in an electric wheelchair in front of a Giant in Washington, DC (see what I did there?). Anyway, I am currently working as a day manager and head bartender at a bar/nightclub. This job requires me to constantly be quick on my feet and run up and down stairs daily to make sure things run smoothly. Now pardon my language sir, but how the fck am I going to explain to my bosses and fellow employees that I cannot perform up to expectations because I got “hit by a guy in an electric wheelchair.” These kinds of things not only sound made-up, but make me look like a straight up punk btch, and I sir, am not a punk b*tch.

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This is the best Missed Connection you will see all year.

you hit me with your electric wheelchair so i challenge you to a duel