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Posted on September 15, 2014
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Too cool to smile for #BUTTS



Sing a Song of Ice and Fire, #27

The red will run.

Spoilers abound from here on in for a book published in 2000. Also, I’m not putting pictures in these posts because I don’t want to expose myself to spoilers.

Book Three: A Storm of Swords
Part the Eighth: from Robb et al leaving for the Twins to the Red Wedding

Catelyn — Given that I’ve already predicted the Freys, not the Lannisters, will commit the Red Wedding, Catelyn chapters have a bit of a sense of dread to them. Unfortunately, they’re quite boring as well.

Robb and 3499 of his closest friends are on the way to the Twins. There’s a lot of talking, and then we get to the heart of things: Robb wants Jon to succeed him if he is killed in battle, and Catelyn explains why this is not possible. Robb knows that Jon is an honorable man, and we’ve spent enough time with Jon to know that there really isn’t any darkness to him; he’s the purest character in the books, in terms of traditional D&D alignment.

We also learn that Balon Greyjoy, Theon’s father, is dead.

Samwell — Sam, Gilly, and the baby continue their trek to the wall. On the way, they’re attacked by the wight form of Small Paul. Sam somehow manages to best him, only to find more wights waiting. Ravens come to their aid, probably led by the late Lord Mormont’s bird, and as they flee they’re rescued by a mysterious man in black.

Arya — Still captured by the Hound, Arya and he reach a huge river. They hire a boat for the crossing, and afterward huddle in the rain. The Hound reveals that his new plan is to ransom Arya to Robb in hopes that Robb will accept him into his service. So they’re actually on their way to the Twins.

Jon — Still fleeing from the wildlings, Jon rushes toward Castle Black, somehow not passing out or dying from the wound to his leg. He makes it, and is accepted by Donal Noye, the one-armed smith who is nominally in charge while Bowen Marsh is elsewhere. His wound is treated by Maester Aemon, and when he wakes he learns that Winterfell has been razed.

Catelyn — Now back to the trip to the Twins. Robb and company arrive, and Robb presents himself to Lord Walder Frey. That goes about as well as can be expected, but at least when Edmure meets the woman he is to marry she is unoffensive — a small, pretty, quiet girl. He doesn’t seem to mind so much.

Then, in what is quite possibly the clumsiest foreshadowing to date in this series, Lord Walder says “the red will run”. We’re supposed to think he means wine, but even if I didn’t know the Red Wedding was coming I’d have figured it out from that. This was a great book (especially the ending), but that in particular turned me off.

Anyway, Robb attempts to invoke the ancient laws of guestage, by asking for bread and salt. Catelyn believes that this will protect them. Later, in their rooms, everyone is quite surprised that Lord Walder hasn’t taken any revenge yet. More foreshadowing, anyone?

At dinner, we find that Roose Bolton is present for the wedding, and he presents a strip of Theon Greyjoy’s skin, giving credence to the rumor that Bolton’s son is flaying Theon for his crimes. But it’s not enough for Robb; after the wedding, he says they’re going back to the North.

Arya — The Hound has stolen a cart and, along with Arya, is making for the Twins under the guise of a humble tradesman. Arya’s not sure he can pull it off, but he does. No one lets them into the castle proper, but the Hound is not so easily deterred.

Catelyn — Welp, Edmure and Roslin are married, and the wedding feast has begun. They seem happy together. All of Robb’s top men are in one place at one time, and if the foreshadowing in the last Catelyn chapter didn’t tell you what’s coming, that certainly should.

Lots of drinking occurs. Roose Bolton excuses himself to use the privy. Lord Walder sends Edmure and Roslin off to bed in what is quite possibly the most unpleasant wedding tradition I’ve read in a while: the men strip the bride, the women strip the groom, and they end up naked together in their room for some wedding-night intercourse. A lot of GoT is adapted from actual history, but this is something I’ve never heard of, and I know a fair bit of history. Not, y’know, everything, but some.

As the bedding occurs, Catelyn talks to Edwyn Frey, and realizes he’s wearing mail under his wedding clothes.

Then everything goes horribly wrong.

After a scrum and a lot of arrows, Catelyn holds Lord Walder’s mentally-disabled son hostage, promising basically the world if Walder will only let Robb live. Walder does not agree, Robb is killed (“Jaime Lannister sends his regards”), and then Catelyn is killed as well.

Looking Forward

What threw me the most about the Red Wedding wasn’t that it happened — I knew it was coming. What threw me was that my Kindle app said there were still more than three hours left in the book. I’d thought it would be the climax… but apparently I had no idea what was still to come.

And Then There’s This

I actually finished reading this book in mid-August, but am not writing these posts until the end of August. It makes it much harder to hide what I already know. I really should take a page from Mark Reads (who inspired this project) and write immediately after reading. Unfortunately it just doesn’t work that way for me. Oh well.

Stark Ranking

  1. Jon
  2. Arya
  3. Sansa
  4. Rickon
  5. Bran

Read ALL the posts!

Posted on September 13, 2014
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Smiley dog.

(via afternoonsnoozebutton)

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My tongue hurts from all the biting it has endured

Welcome to my life.

(Source: voyeurchic)

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I don’t think I’d name a dog food after a dog that catches rabies and has to be shot…

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Turtle by Supervliegzus on Flickr.

This turtle is all “Everything I see is mine. MINE!”



insp (x

Omg love this

I can’t believe that last one is Evanna Lynch. It really doesn’t look like her.

(Source: alrightevans)

Women of the Revolution

If you like this, just wait until you see the next post.

(Source: imgonnaeditstuff)

Posted on September 12, 2014


Mind-Boggling Food Realizations [distractify]

Previously: Genious Shower Thoughts, Dog Shower Thoughts

I love cold fruit soup.

(via spockvarietyhour)

Posted on September 10, 2014





If something is ‘old as fuck’ then it’s about 1.2 billion years old because that’s when life evolved sexual reproduction.


However, if something is “old as balls” it’s only about 65 million years old, when placental mammals began to evolve proper testicles.

These would make awesome footnotes in a novel.

I feel like a more ribald Terry Pratchett would do something like this.

Posted on September 9, 2014
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(Source: masscracc)

Posted on September 8, 2014

Sing a Song of Ice and Fire, #26

The last post began with Tyrion and ended with Jaime. This post begins with Tyrion. I wonder how it will end. I know there’s another Jaime chapter coming soon, but… how soon?

Spoilers abound from here on in for a book published in 2000. Also, I’m not putting pictures in these posts because I don’t want to expose myself to spoilers.

Book Three: A Storm of Swords
Part the Seventh: from Tyrion greeting the Dornishmen to Jaime and Brienne in the bear pit

Tyrion — Tyrion goes out to greet the Dornishmen, King Joffrey’s allies (well, really the Lannister allies). Thing is, Joffrey has been hearing jests and jokes about Dornishmen from Mace Tyrell, his soon-to-be-father-in-law — the Tyrells hate the Dornishmen, for some reason. Bronn and Pod (Pod being Tyrion’s squire and savior) are along for the ride. Pod notices that there’s no litter, to carry the ailing Prince of Dorne, and in fact it’s Oberyn Martell, who is known to use a poisoned sword and is now called the Red Viper.

As they ride back to King’s Landing, Tyrion and Oberyn have a little chat. Tyrion makes an amusing joke about how his birth — just like everything else — portended “famine, plague, and war. Oh, and winter, and the long night that never ends.” Interestingly, two of those have happened, a third is always coming (if you ask the Starks), and the last will happen if Melisandre is right and everyone doesn’t support R’hllor. Oberyn gives a little insight on how Cersei tortured Tyrion, only for Jaime to come to his aid — which I guess harkens to the bond even now between Jaime and Tyrion, which I hope to see renewed at some point soon. Then Oberyn reveals his hatred for Gregor Clegane, the Mountain, and indicates that he’s more warlike than his brother, Prince Doran. This ought to be amusing.

Arya — Arya joins Lord Beric’s men as they attack the Bloody Mummers/Brave Companions, and the Companions are mostly defeated. But we then see the great cost Lord Beric faces every time Thoros — or, as Thoros says, R’hllor — brings him back. Arya learns that Lord Beric plans to ransom her to King Robb because his men need the gold. He’s not mean about it, though, just matter-of-fact, and he swears to return Arya to her mother, somehow. Arya seems satisfied with this.

Later, Gendry says he wants to stay with Lord Beric, and in return Lord Beric knights him. The Hound is still out there too, somewhere, waiting.

Bran — Bran, Meera, Jojen, and Hodor find a village near the wall. There’s a keep out on the water, and a stone causeway (hidden under the water) that they navigate to get there. Bran knows about it from Old Nan’s stories. That night, a giant lightning storm hits and Hodor, afraid, starts shouting. Which leads us to one of my favorite lines of the book:

"No hodoring!"

When Hodor doesn’t stop, Bran, just for a moment, takes over him the way he takes over Summer, which scares him into silence.

Anyway, there was someone in the village, and now there are more men, and Bran sends his mind off to Summer, who is… somewhere.

Jon — I’ve read so far ahead in the book that it’s weird to read this chapter. Jon is in Brandon’s Gift, on the Winterfell side of the wall, and Ghost is gone, Jon knows not where. There’s a bunch of talking before the wildling party stops at a village — not knowing it’s the same village where, out in the water, Bran and company are holed up.

The man Bran saw earlier was a resident of the village, who Magnar wants Jon to kill. Jon balks, Ygritte does the deed, and then lightning strikes… and so does Summer, who Jon recognizes (I think). Jon takes this chance to escape, in hopes that he can get back to Castle Black and warn them of what’s coming. He steals a horse and, despite an arrow wound to the thigh, escapes. The next day, he removes the arrow and goes on toward Castle Black.

Daenerys — Been a while since we’ve seen Dany, hasn’t it? Well, she’s still… wherever the hell she is… and approaching Yunkai. Her host is blocked by the Yunkish host, made up of sellswords. Dany meets their leaders, and tells them she will attack within three days (and that she wants their answers to whether or not they’ll treat with her on the morrow) unless they free all slaves in the city. Well, the Yunkish aren’t going to do that, so Dany plans to attack by night. Fortunately, one of the sellswords, Daario Naharis, sees which way the wind is blowing and kills those above him, bringing over his group of sellswords.

Ser Jorah doesn’t trust him, and that’s when Dany explodes at him, accusing him basically of trying to keep all other men away from her.

That night, while the battle rages on, Dany summons Arstan to tell her stories of her brother. Turns out Rhaegar was always depressed, and a bit of a musician.

Anyway, Ser Jorah returns, the battle is won, and Dany frees the slaves of Yunkai, who are all now on her side.

Arya — Lord Beric’s party reaches High Heart hill. The crone who lives there reveals that Balon Greyjoy and Hoster Tully are dead, and that the goat (Vargo Hoat) is alone and sick in the “hall of kings”, which we all know is Harrenhal. For a moment, Arya dreams that Lord Beric will kill everyone she prays for the death of at night. Finally, she sends them toward the Twins (Lord Frey’s keep) if they seek Arya’s mother. Later, Arya learns the name of Jon Snow’s brother, and that Lord Beric’s squire Ned was nursed at the same breast as Jon himself. Thoros reveals that he found in the fire a vision of the Lannisters taking Riverrun, and that Robb is not present to fight them off. Arya goes away to get some privacy, and she’s captured by the Hound.


Jaime — I added another chapter to this post specifically to end with Jaime. Why? I don’t know. Because I’m weird, I suppose.

Lord Bolton sends Jaime on his way to King’s Landing, under the auspices of Qyburn (the fallen Maester) and Steelshanks Walton. There’s a whole lot of talking along the way, and we learn that the girl sent to comfort Jaime was sent away… I was going to say “unused” but that’s cruel. Suffice it to say he didn’t boink her because, in his mind, he already has a woman. Later, Jaime has a dream and, when he wakes, orders the party to go back to Harrenhal — offering Walton a LOT of money to assent — so he can pick up Brienne, who is in the bear pit.

I’ve actually seen this scene, in the one or two episodes of Season Three that I half-watched. I didn’t know why it was happening, but now I know: Jaime feels obliged to protect Brienne from Vargo Hoat. He goes into the pit, Walton’s men slay the bear, and they head toward King’s Landing again, this time with Brienne in the party.

Looking Forward

The next chapter is a Catelyn chapter, which means the Red Wedding is close… but how close?

And Then There’s This

I remember a scene in Season Three where a man is about to have a threesome with two women, only to have that snatched away and his manhood removed. Did I miss that in the book, or was it added in?

Stark Ranking

  1. Jon
  2. Robb
  3. Arya (you fool, you knew the Hound was out there somewhere)
  4. Sansa
  5. Catelyn
  6. Rickon
  7. Bran

Read ALL the posts!

Posted on September 5, 2014



if I could have one wish come true, it would be to have a show dedicated entirely to an AU where Tara Maclay never dies and the entire show is basically a Willow x Tara fluff-fest

These dreams appear when I close my eyes!

Submitted for your approval: "Dreaming of How It Was Going to Be"


Listener’s Buffy/Angel Rewatch (B7.05)

Buffy 7.05: Selfless

  • So I just looked at the schedule and saw I had a Buffy episode before two Angels. Great. At least I get a Buffy. But it’s an Anya-centric one. And let’s be honest here — Anya’s a great character, but Anya-centric episodes tend to tread the same ground over and over. At least we get to hear Emma Caulfield sing in this one.
  • Oh yeah. I forgot that Willow tried going back to college this season.
  • Is this a dorm room? Why doesn’t Willow just stay with Buffy and Dawn? I mean, she doesn’t have a car, but still.
  • Oh, that’s right, it’s a dorm room because of what Anya did and that Willow has to find out.
  • Vengeance demons can do pretty much anything, right? So does that mean she can make someone NOT be dead?
  • Did they update the credits sequence here? I think they might have.
  • I don’t think we needed the film effects on the Olde Dayse scenes with Anya and Olaf.
  • [Speaking Old Norse]. I could’ve sworn this was captioned the last time I saw it.
  • Also, Anya and bunnies. Maybe at last we’ll get an explanation for that.
  • Is this REALLY “Old Norse”? Or are they just making it up?
  • I can’t look at Abraham Benrubi without seeing Jerry from ER. For something like 15 years the dude played the same secondary character, day in and day out.
  • Out, out, damned spot!
  • Buffy is awfully forgiving of Spike. Even HE knows he screwed up, and badly.
  • No, Buffy, he’s not really that different. A soul doesn’t erase the things you did.
  • Oh, that’s right, it was The First.
  • It’s funny how Anya saying “we just had lots and lots of sex” is her way of hiding in plain sight from someone who knows her very well.
  • Oh, Drew Goddard wrote this one. Interesting.
  • I’m saying “Oh” a lot today.
  • That’s a cute outfit Willow’s wearing.

  • It’s pretty badly CG’d above your head, Willow.
  • I was just bitching about “Dark Willow” on a fanfic forum. I’d forgotten that when she came back she shifted every now and then.
  • I don’t really NEED the captions to understand what the villagers are saying, but it would have been nice.
  • Nice to know that Anya’s been this way all her life.
  • "Yeah" wasn’t in parlance in the 900s or whatever.

  • Buffy’s a little weird, isn’t she.
  • Hallie’s so cute, the way she talks.
  • Nice to see that Willow is scary enough even to scare a vengeance demon like Halfrek.
  • When you go into someone’s house, Willow, you close the damn door.
  • Xander, you’re going to get spider demon goo on that nice clean sword.
  • I wonder if it was harder for the actors to act against practical effect monsters or CG ones. Because Buffy didn’t look like she was trying very hard, like she would have in previous seasons.
  • I think this season Buffy was more overpowered than usual, like she suddenly got a quick power bump.
  • Which begs the question… how DOES one kill a vengeance demon?
  • Oh ha ha, Anya the capitalist used to be a fan of communism.
  • It’s been almost 1000 years since Olaf wronged Anya. She’s done NOTHING else since then?

  • Yes, you do, Willow. You almost destroyed the damn WORLD.
  • Willow killed, what, one person? Warren? I don’t remember her killing anyone else, at least not intentionally.
  • Foreshadowing of Xander throwing Buffy out of the house, I think.
  • "And that all worked out okay."
  • Almost FOUR years later, and the lie of “kick his ass” comes out.
  • Um… there was an all-knowing council. You ignored them.
  • The weapons chest looks like it’s had a few coats of varnish since Buffy got it last season.
  • Yes, Buffy, walk out the front door carrying a sword in broad daylight. No one’s going to notice, right?
  • Willow, you’ll never get all that sand off the floor.
  • "Lloyd". There’s a vengeance demon named Lloyd.
  • Anya is so pragmatic today. (Well, she’s pragmatic every day.)
  • Xander has a car. Buffy… maybe she has the Jeep?
  • I don’t think Buffy’s tried to kill Xander, but I don’t recall.
  • Ouch. That wig is ridiculous.

  • They live next door to Mustard Guy? Nice.
  • Her name is almost as long as Princess Angelina Francesca Louisa Contessa Bananafanafofesca the Third.
  • I remember not really liking this part of the episode the first time around.
  • Is that the same dress from the wedding episode? I don’t remember.
  • "I’d forgotten how much swords through the chest hurt."
  • "It’s like somebody slaughtered an Abercrombie-and-Fitch catalog."
  • D’Hoffryn is very much a deus ex machina in this episode.
  • Anya is way smarter than this, not to put qualifiers on her wish.
  • I will say that Hallie dying instead of Anya was really quite unexpected. I mean, we knew Anya could die at any time because this is a Whedon show, but I really thought that something would happen to Anya somehow.
  • And there’s D’Hoffryn with the cryptic exit.
  • This little speech at the end almost makes it seem like Anya would be leaving the show anyway, doesn’t it.

Read previous rewatch posts…

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From a fan. Someone couldn’t leave old enough alone.

I’m pretty sure this is photoshopped, but I could buy it as something I’d see here in Georgia.